Wow, this is going quite well. Day 3 and I am not bored yet (or found some excuse not to do this). Today’s assignment is to pick one of the six words sent by the friendly folks at Blogging-U and start ranting (or writing).
I’ll pick uncertainty for today. Why? No idea.. The other ones seem safe and as for secret, not ready to share any secrets on my blog 😉 So here it goes..
Uncertainty is part of life, the one thing I fear and embrace at the same time. I feel it is everywhere.
Uncertainty in professional life
In my profession, there is always the competitor lurking around the corner to either snatch away your project or offer you a job. The competitor can be in any form: your colleague, another company offering the same services. Hell, it can be as easy as someone taking the stage to present something you have worked for and taking credits for it.. there it is.. the uncertainty, that feeling. Am I capable enough, why did I allow someone else to show off with my work? Then again, working for 10+ years in the big bad world of adults also results in job offers from competitors, where the uncertainty for me usually is about the people I’ll have to work with (can I fit in, do I want to, am I ready for it?) and more importantly: is the grass really greener on the other side?
I got promoted a couple of months ago. With every promotion you usually get more responsibilities, here my uncertainty grows and then I calm down when people tell me that I would not have gotten promoted if the bosses were not confident in my capabilities. Every time I joined at a new client or started working on a new project, uncertainty was there .. waiting for me to do the one thing I could do to make it go away. Just do it. As simple as that.
I was good at controlling the uncertainty, I mean it is healthy from time to time to pause and ask yourself if you are ready for the next level. I was ready and killing it, till my burn-out. I noticed these feelings tend to enlarge with like a factor 10000 and I could wake up in the morning, thinking about what I needed to do and feel completely useless as I was uncertain about my abilities.
Uncertainty in personal life
Yesterday, my bf* and I went for some personal torture we actually pay for. Personal Training it is called, my PT is a lovely, very positive guy who really tries to get the most out of every training session. He has this exercise with a deck of cards, where you first choose a card between 2 and 10 (the factor). Every symbol represents an exercise and the number on the card is multiplied by the factor you chose earlier. The result (except a wish to die at the spot): x amount of seconds to perform the exercise.
Of course, I chose factor 9. It could have been worse, but we started. No time for excuses, so the bf and I worked on lunges, push ups, shoulder press, smack down (not sure that is the correct name of the exercise, it felt like it) using the cards we flipped. PT had arranged them quite neatly as the below picture shows.
The uncertainty here was if I would survive this exercise or quit half way. I mean 5*9 seconds of shoulder press does not sound that alarming, but we had to finish the whole freakin deck!! Again, as I was not that confident I just did the only thing I can do when feeling uncertain about something. Just do it (not trying to sound like a Nike ad here) and see where it ends. I managed to do quite a lot, but then the delicious spaghetti in my tummy decided it was enough. PT was very impressed with my results he mentioned, whilst the bf was still working out and mumbling about his shoulders ripping off anytime soon. PT had one more treat for me though and announced it in his very own charming way.
” I’ve decided that by December, 31st this year 75% of my trainees will be able to do at least 5 pull ups”
” Good for you, forget about me!” (uncertainty speaking?)
” No, I have faith in you and I will help you”
” Why God, why???” (in my mind)
In the end, I did not leave the playground until he helped me start getting used to the exercise. It’s a start, I’ll see how far I will get with it. The bf and PT seem to have faith in me, I just need to find some for myself.
Uncertainty, as illustrated with my examples above is everywhere and in different forms and shapes. One way to deal with it is to face it and do something about it. I’ve chosen not to let it rule my thoughts, now I need to ensure it just does not take over. I can do this!
*bf = the boyfriend aka love, home, treasure
*PT = Personal Trainer aka secret (to get me a super duper killer body), regret (when I cannot move anymore the day after)
*Uncertainty is mentioned too many times in this post.